rusty

Sep. 19th, 2010 01:21 pm
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Started a second round of P90x. I may just be trying to hang on to something familiar amid a month of hard, abrupt changes. I didn't go to crossfit at all this week, and had started feeling like the gains I'd made over the last three months doing p90x would deteriorate if I was relying on getting to crossfit. So I'm going to keep p90x as my 'main' workout, and throw in crossfit when I feel up to some extra challenge. And Yoga classes a couple times a week.

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I waffled a little on whether I was going to try carb cycling. I got my protein consumption up to about the right amount, and want to work on getting a lot more vegetables in my diet whether or not I carb cycle. It calls for three cups of veggies a day, and I think I average about one cup- and tend to go for starchy veggies a lot more than I should. What I've noticed in my diet over the past couple months is I've been progressively cutting back on carbs. Especially in the past week or so- mixed in with a couple instances of having bad carbs (dominoes pizza while playing descent with frens, and then eating my leftovers the next day... ugh and then a hamburger the day after that... the bun was soooo delicious...). That's definitely the WRONG way to do carb cycling, because high carb days are just as important as no carb days, and the carbs need to be good carbs and.

One good thing has come from my research into carb cycling already, though. I cut out milk. I've always been a big milk drinker. I'd even spent most of the last 7 years getting whole milk, only cutting back to 2% about two months ago. But last week I bought my first carton of almond milk, and haven't really looked back. I did have a couple scraps of cheese while helping S fix her dinner last night, but otherwise I haven't had milk products in almost a week.

That's a complete lie. I have whey protein about twice a day. I bought powdered soy protein from Berkeley Bowl last week, but it was d i s g u s t i n g. I could see it being okay in shakes, blended with some fruit, key word blended because it would not dissolve in the almond milk at all and it was chunky and tasted like chalk. It is also very possible I just need to find some higher quality soy protein but in the meantime I stocked up on the whey.

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As much as I think I would enjoy learning about sports medicine, I'm leaning away from trying it as a career move at the moment. Its something I'd like to pursue a bit on my own time for my own use and perhaps also helping others. At this point I don't think I would like it as a career. I don't think it would satisfy me.

The more I think about it, the more I keep coming back to art. Its an insane career path. It terrifies me and I think that's why I've been so distant from it. Combined with some rather major-scale life upheaval issues I've been dealing with over the past couple years, I'm not surprised my art has gone nowhere. But I'm thinking its time to get back on that.

I feel so rusty, and my area of ability seems like its in a totally different direction from the kinds of things I want to be drawing, so I have a lot of ground to try to cover. It's huge and expansive and I have some ideas for where to start but barely a clue what to do from there.

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I've been feeling lightheaded and a little dizzy for the past couple hours, since finishing my workout today. I'm blaming not enough carbs today (and yesterday, and probably the day before). So a bowl of oatmeal is probably in order. I was planning on going down to lake merrit because there's a great view of the oakland cityscape down there, but I'm not going to be able to go anywhere until I feel better.

GWPC

Aug. 31st, 2010 09:32 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Yesterday was a bummer day for some reason. Well, I have theories but enough emo.

TODAY instead of going straight home from work, I headed over to the Great Western Power Company... the gym I plan on joining. I have a zillion things to do today so I couldn't climb or anything, but I did spend a little time talking to Ryan/guy working there about the place, wandering around checking out the facilities and stuff.

I am so STOKED to join up. Even taking the awesomeness of rock walls as a given, there's a nice little area sectioned off for Cross Fit, a weights and cardio room with lots of equipment I have no idea how to use, and a nice big (huge windows, well lit!) yoga room.

I plan on making as much use out of all of it as possible. Maybe not the cardio equip. Membership includes the other touchstone gyms, which was a selling point for me because I'll probably go to Berkeley Ironworks fairly often, too. There is daily Cross Fit between Ironworks and GWPC, though unfortunately several days a week I won't be able to attend due to work conflict. Yoga classes, too. I feel a need for yoga in my life but that P90x yoga vid is getting old quick, and I feel like there's a lot more that yoga has to offer than what's on that tape, and having an instructor to help my form will be a nice asset, too.

8 minute bike ride from my house, 15 from work.

Awesome.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)

Click through for bigger.


It's the beginning of the end of my first full round of p90x. I missed plyo yesterday, but I'm trying to really bring it here as I'm finishing up worksheets.

Life goes on.

bicep

Aug. 23rd, 2010 12:32 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I regret a little bit (okay, a lot) that I didn't take the fitness test and 'before' measurements and photos before starting p90x.

However, I did, at one point before starting measure my arm around my right bicep flexed and relaxed.

Just over 12" at the bicep with the arm straight, and just under 13.5" same place with the arm flexed.
Today- Just under 13" with the arm straight, and right at 14.25" with the arm flexed.

Not too shabby. (and not quite done with p90x, either)
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I'm on week 9 of p90x, out of 13.

Unexpectedly, I had a really hard time hanging in there this week. I don't think I've been sick, but I definitely haven't been feeling in top form lately, either. Maybe it's work-related anxiety, combined with other factors.

Wednesday I got halfway through Yoga-X. Not even halfway. I did the beginning part that makes me drip sweat. I got up to the first really hard section with half moons and twisting half moons and paused to go get my laundry. Someone had started a couple loads right after I switched to the dryers and there's only two of each for our entire apartment building and I didn't want to be that bastard with dry clothes in both dryers for an extra hour, or make my neighbor dump them in my laundry basket. I got back to my room and didn't press play. Maybe I would have if I'd gotten through that hard section before breaking. But I didn't.

Thursday I was at Edwin's place most of the day, having gone down to SF late wednesday. I had my clinic appointment in the early evening, and my plan was to go home straight from the clinic and get my workout done before it got too late. Well, the way things worked out we had to go back to Edwin's place after the clinic, make a bank run, and he had to pack for the weekend (he has a similar schedule to mine, only with one huge shift from friday evening to monday morning). By the time we got to my place it was 930 and I wouldn't have been able to get started working out until 10 or 1030, which would have put me getting done working out close to midnight, and wide awake for at least three hours afterward. No thanks. -__-

Today I suffered from extreme motivation issues, and really wanting to get to spend that time with Edwin instead of working out. He did a good job of encouraging me to do it anyway, reminding me how much I like the results I'm getting, and how good I usually feel afterward. I had missed my thursday resistance training, 'Legs and Back' with Ab Ripper, so I decided to do that instead of friday's Kenpo workout. As much as I love kenpo (and gosh does it burn a lot of calories), I really feel like the resistance workouts are where it's at for me.

The workout was hard. Especially when I went to write down my chinup reps and they were consistently lower than they have been since week 5. I felt like I couldn't keep my balance in exercises where I usually didn't have any problems. 20 minutes in I wanted to give up. But I didn't. And I had chinup reps to write in at all, which today, was a success in itself. I even followed up with Ab Ripper like I was supposed to, and did as well with it as I had earlier in the week instead of going slower and doing less reps. And by the end of the workout, I WAS feeling a lot better, if more exhausted than normal.

resistance

Aug. 8th, 2010 03:44 pm
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I just got done with the first part of today's workout (P90x Chest and Back! BRING IT!) and was checking teh eljay friendslist while sipping my delicious recovery drink.

I looked at Lynn's post and thought, aww, I love you, Lynn. I looked at somewhitedog's post and thought, aww, I love you, somewhitedog. I looked at some random poster on lj-comm=ftm and thought, aww, I love you random ftm guy, and then I thought wait. What's going on here?

I've been a grumpy bastard for the past week, hating everyone and everything. What changed?

Last week was rest week in my program. There were no resistance workouts.

Fascinating.

climb

Aug. 1st, 2010 10:38 pm
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I want my new hobby to be rock climbing. These gyms look AWESOME. Monthly membership is $67, looks like, and lets you go to any of the several locations around the bay. Also yoga and crossfit classes available (among other things) for free with membership. And gym use.

*drools*

I'm really hoping I can convince Edwin to join with me, would be a serious bummer not to have anyone to climb with on a regular basis. Rock climbing is a pairs sport. =I
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I got a bunch of new weights at Target yesterday. A pair of 10 lbs and a pair of 15 lbs. They were FUN getting home on my bike, I'll tell you that. That's 50 pounds in case anyone doesn't feel like bothering with the math.

I had put off doing my workout until after the Target trip so I could use those new weights, but on the way there I discovered another busted spoke and had to go to two different bike shops to get it fixed (Recycle Bicycle, our normal bikeshop, apparently doesn't do repairs on weekends so I had to go to a different shop). There I learned that apparently the accident a few weeks ago had bent the back wheel, too, enough that it'll probably just keep busting spokes fairly often until I can get the wheel replaced. I have learned a valuable lesson about getting information from people who hit me on my bike so I can hit them up for money for all the repairs. =P

So I didn't get to work out until like 830pm, and when I did I really pushed myself hard with the new weights. Near the end of the workout I started feeling a little dizzy and near-nausea, so I ended up skipping ab ripper even though I actually wanted to do it. I had done a lot of biking, worked really hard in my workout, and probably hadn't gotten enough of the right kinds of things to eat to successfully pull through that last fifteen minutes or so. Frustrating.

I also got a couple new pairs of shorts. Have I mentioned I kill pants? I have to replace them frequently. Back down to 34" waist, had been at 36" most of the summer, and as recently as a month ago tried both sizes and had gone with the 36". Also bought another pair of workout shorts. <3

Also a soccer ball. Edwin and I played around with it a little bit in my room this morning and now I can't wait to take it to the park and kick it back and forth. I miss soccer!

Last in my collection of manly things I bought yesterday is shaving supplies. I skipped the razor that vibrated, but still think that 5 blades might just be overkill... particularly on my peach fuzz. >_< If Edwin's around tomorrow I might get him to help me with that and hopefully keep me from somehow messing it up terribly. Otherwise I'll probably wait until next week.

more links

Jul. 17th, 2010 11:14 pm
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Uhh. More links. Working out edition. This is what I did today. Among other things.

Couch to 5K running plan
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
I'm interested in getting this into my weekly schedule. Might poke at it a bit while I'm still working on the P90x stuff, but don't want to commit just yet.

Apple Cider Vinegar
http://www.earthclinic.com/Remedies/acvinegar.html
Apparently good for weight loss, acne, and a bajillion other things.

US Navy Seal Workout
http://www.teenbodybuilding.com/brent2.htm
More for future reference than current goals

Workout Database
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/workoutdatabase.htm
more future reference

Bad stuff about protein drinks
http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/magazine-archive/2010/july/food/protein-drinks/whats-in-your-protein-drink/index.htm
Muscle Milk is awful! I've never had it but there's ads all over BART lately. D= The AWE60 stuff I was taking is on there, with reasonable levels compared to the other products. The AfterShock stuff I'm taking now isn't on there, though. I wonder how bad it is. >__>

Shovelglove!
http://www.shovelglove.com/
Neat idea for a quick (week)daily 14-minute workout.

MovNat
http://movnat.com/
I don't actually remember why I opened this tab, and don't feel like looking through the site at the moment. So... random grab bag, I guess.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I've noticed some overall physique changes over the last week or so. Between regular intense workouts and my first few doses of T, I am gaining muscle mass and losing fat. Losing the fat is painfully slow, especially now that I am paying attention to it. It seems like there is still a lot of it on my limbs and torso and face.

I got weighed thursday when I got my fourth shot. 164. Down more than 5 pounds from four weeks earlier. And I know I've put on muscle, so I must have lost more than that in fat.

If I stop looking at the fat that's still there, I can see that I've definitely lost a lot in the hip area. I still have some love handles, but they don't dominate the shape of my torso anymore.

I took a shower today and looked in the mirror before I put my binder on, though already wearing a tee and undershirt. I realized I still read myself as male moreso than even with a binder two months ago. My shoulders are broader- latissimus dorsi bulking up. My biceps, too, are starting to take some shape, though it's hard to tell without feeling them because the fat on my arms is still softening the visible edges.

This week in particular I also noticed a pretty sharp increase in strength. I can hug Edwin so tightly it starts to hurt. He doesn't complain about the increased backrub strength, though, and I found it particularly enjoyable for myself to work my arm muscles and fingers on his back. The muscles wanted to stretch, to be used, and they loved it, and he loved it and that was good.

raging

Jul. 11th, 2010 03:48 pm
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I was a grumpy butt all week. Edwin was a trooper and put up with me from tuesday afternoon through friday afternoon when I went to work. Tuesday night he sat me down and we had a long talk about how there's a time and place for punching, but it's not really okay for men to punch their partners. And also that guys going through puberty at some point have to realize they're a lot stronger than they used to be and need to take care not to break things or injure people. I had punched him. At the time I felt like he deserved it, and I also didn't realize there would be so much force behind the punch.

Friday afternoon through late this morning I was at work, and therefore required to be in complete control of my self and my actions. So the tension built up and by the time I left work I wanted a good long visit with a punching bag. Not because work was particularly stressful. I just felt a lot of tension and the need to let it explode out. I thought, I'll get home, and I have a real workout today, so I'll just get some food, wait an hour, and then work out hard.

Upon walking in the door, I was greeted with the cat litter box that had not been cleaned out. Usually I clean it out fridays before taking off. This week I was running late, so Eira said she'd take care of it. So instead of relaxing a bit and then getting started on my workout right away, I first cleaned out the box. My mom's coming this week, so I actually washed the box and thoroughly cleaned out the space where the box sits. And since the box had been full, Rofl had peed on the towels on the floor in the bathroom so the bathroom stank. And the whole time I was cleaning, I was raging at Eira in my head. So much so that when I came back from taking a bunch of garbage to the dumpster, and she tried to greet me with a cat and a smile I totally snapped at her.

I'm not proud of these examples. I'm having to seriously look at myself and take a step back and be like, wait a second, this isn't who I want to be. This isn't who I am. How do I learn to deal with this rage more effectively so it doesn't explode at people?

On the other hand, Edwin was saying he thinks this will be a positive change for me overall. Because before, the same things that caused me to blow up would have had me simmering and resentful for several days, never confronting it, and also never seeing the blame lying at least equally on my shoulders. The fact that right now it is blowing up like that allows it to dissipate immediately afterward, and also forces me to see my own actions and decisions as a major part of the problem. Now all that's left is to find better ways to channel that anger so the problem gets resolved without me being an arse.

Working out helps. The hard muscle lifting and chinups and pushups and ab ripper ones. Last week was the first 'rest' week of the P90x program, so while there were still workouts to do, they weren't the crazy lifting etc ones. I'm suspecting that contributed to my poor mood last week. I just started week 5 and did 'chest, shoulders, and triceps' and ab ripper, and already I'm feeling good enough to blog here again. Past several days I was feeling totally internet antisocial.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Another weekend. If nothing else, this one is guaranteed to be better than last if only because I get to go home tomorrow at the normal time. I don't have any plans for the fourth- Eira gets off work at about eight and I'd like to see if there's a park or someplace to ride bikes to and chill for a while. Fireworks or not.

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Edwin and I have been cooking a lot lately, which is good for our wallets since we aren't going out to eat. Last week he made some Zucchini Potato Soup, and while it was good, it was missing something. So earlier this week I made more, and this time made dumplings to put in the soup and it was perfect. If only they had some nutritional value- flour, salt, sugar, baking soda and powder, butter and buttermilk. Can't eat those all the time they're so heavy.

Thursday night he made some hummus, while I made seasoned asparagus and we collaborated on Grilled Cajun Salmon with Tomato Pineapple Salsa. The cajun/seasoning on the salmon was awesome, I'd probably do that again, though with less salt, the cajun stuff we bought had a lot of salt in it so with added salt in the recipe it was just a tiny bit too much. The tomato pineapple salsa was a bit of a disappointment, though. Edwin had picked out the recipe thinking the weird flavor combos would magically come together, but it was really nothing special and just kind of weird. Oh well. He'd been disappointed with the hummus, too, until I was like, "You know what this needs? Some of this red onion we got for the salsa." Red onion and hummus on pita? Perfect.

I've cut out coffee almost completely. Now I usually drink green tea. I still haven't figured out how to make it not taste burnt. It's a little better now that I've been using water that isn't too hot, but it's still nowhere near as delicious as the tea at Yusan's or Ichiban.

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[livejournal.com profile] trashedbat asked, in my previous post, how my energy levels have been since going on T. It's a little hard to say because I started making a lot of changes to my overall health right at the same time. I started exercising on a daily basis, and making a very conscious effort to eat healthy foods almost exclusively. I also added some workout supplements before and after my workouts. All these things have a positive effect on my energy levels. If I had to guess, I'd say the exercise has had the most impact, but the exercise is made possible by the good food and supplements I take in. I WILL say, though, that I have found myself to be both lazier and grumpier in the day or two immediately before a shot, which indicates to me a fairly strong correlation between having low testosterone in my system and having very low energy.

I guess my point is I can't for certain say that the T gives me more energy than I had before starting it, just because I have less energy when it is low in my system. I have had more energy and better moods since starting, but again, exercise and healthy eating probably has a lot more to do with that than T specifically.

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I have noticed my Left brain feels like it is becoming more active. That's the math and language hemisphere, as opposed to the creative/abstract right hemisphere. I'm finding it easier to put my thoughts and emotions to words, and therefore to be able to understand them better myself, rather than having all this jumbled up frustration or undefined upset-ness. Now, if I get upset, I can actually identify what is making me upset, and take steps to resolve it, rather than before when I'd just get upset and not know why/not say anything/sit and stew in that frustration.

I probably would be concerned about resultant atrophy in my right hemisphere, but I don't think it's working like that. It feels more like an opportunity for overall growth than a tradeoff. And it feels more like myself, the way I should be, the way I always should have been. Like there was this block between where I was and reaching my full potential, and now I'm starting to chip away at it. It's kind of exciting.

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Quick (hopefully) update on Exercise stuff. )

reps

Jun. 27th, 2010 11:16 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Exercise post. I know you all love 'em. >_<

Ohmygosh. So. Last weekend Rebecca, the lady that usually works here on Sundays and Thursdays, asked if I'd mind covering this sunday (today). Not one to turn down extra hours unless I've actively got something planned, I accepted. Only later to remember that would complicate my workout schedule because usually Sunday's routine involves the chinup bar. Which, obviously, I don't have here at work.

But I figure I need to learn to be flexible, so I decided to switch tuesday's and sunday's routines. It's not ideal, because sunday and thursday both involve chinups, which would ideally be a few days apart, so I expect on thursday I probably won't be able to get in quite as many chinup reps. Erf. I figure it's still a lot better than skipping today or messing up my routine any more.

Yesterday was my 'rest' day, and they give you the option of resting or doing X-stretch. Last week I stretched, but this week I tried just resting. And my gosh, I feel like I paid for it. I felt really tense, taking at least an hour to finally fall asleep, and when I did I didn't feel like I slept as well... it was really hard to wake up this morning, too. So, hypothesis tested, do stretches on rest days. >_<

Anyway, doing pretty awesome with the workout stuff otherwise. I feel like the supplements help, but I want to learn more about what I'm taking and maybe find some better stuff. I discovered that the AWE60 protein drink I've been taking after workouts has a little bit of Acesulfate or whatever that stuff is I'm allergic to. Not as much as some things (like orange tang, most chewing gums, and as I've recently discovered, basically all red wine D=), but enough that I've had a little bit of cold sores at the corners of my mouth. It's like the last ingredient, so there's hardly any in there, why does it have to be in there at all? Dammit. So far the benefit outweighs the annoyance, but I'm going to be looking for another decent protein drink that doesn't have the sulfas. Maybe I'll get lucky and one of the other flavors of the same stuff won't have it. Grrrr.

I'm starting to be able to feel some muscle definition underneath the layer of fat, which is pretty awesome. My calves had been doing pretty good anyway, but now I can feel the biceps a lot more than before. Blah blah blah sometimes I feel like a tool talking about this stuff like this but it makes me happy and I put that exercise disclaimer at the beginning so you guys don't have to read it if you don't want.

I guess I should go clean up... I've let the house get kinda messy, oops. >_<

ETA- Did a bit of research and found an after-workout recovery drink that has significantly better reviews, and I was able to find a list of ingredients, which does not include the stuff I'm allergic to. Booya.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Sorry for the spam today. I just got done working out and wanted to write out what I did to make myself feel better. Mostly for my own records later on, but maybe some of you will find it interesting or helpful.

1- posting about it/ writing about it helped. Partially because it got me thinking about what I was dealing with and about how I could start feeling better. Partially because putting it on the internet forced me to realize I'm not completely alone over here. (Big thanks to those who commented with support, that helped, too!)
2- FOOD. I'd had a small bowl of oatmeal at around 730 this morning and maybe 5oz coffee (with about a teaspoon brown sugar and a couple tablespoons of whole milk? Estimating.) And I'm pretty sure with the way I've been burning energy lately it wasn't enough to keep me going through more than a couple hours, max. I ate 4oz yogurt, ~1/3c walnuts, and ~3oz raspberries after making the post and was feeling better before I was done eating.
3- Talking to my friend Dan a little bit about what I was dealing with (sans vagueries for teh internets)
4- After that, watching the Daily Show and hanging out with Eira a bit (rather than alone in my room with the laptop... certain moods that kind of thing has potential to drag me way under.)
5- Took an "Amplified Muscle Igniter 4x" pill *
6- BROUGHT IT to my p90x workout *

Plans for the day? Talk to T&B and see if DESCENT is happening tonight. SHOWER. Get a nap. Clean house a bit. Head up to Berkeley. Will deal with IHSS tomorrow.

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* EXERCISE YEAH!
So I've been trying these AMP supplements from GNC. First and foremost I am SUPER glad I looked them up online before taking the recommended dosage, wow. The serving size on these are 3 tablets for the 'Amplified Muscle Igniter 4x' (let's call it AMI4x), and 3 scoops for the 'Amplified Wheybolic Extreme 60' (AWE60). Reviews said the AWE60 was pretty good, ~8.5/10 rated. But with 1-2 scoops, rather than 3. I had one yesterday, two today. I think two was more than I needed, even for a really intense workout like I did today. Probably stick with 1-1.5 depending on what I feel I need at the end of the workout. The AMI4x, though, was rated a little less favorably, and most reviews said to take only one to start, and definitely no more than two. I'm having mixed results with it- yesterday it didn't help much at all, though I'd tried to go without any coffee since these pills have caffeine in them, and was getting headachey and probably other factors kept me from being able to 'bring it' as much as I would have liked. (recordkeeping, plyo, I got about 25 minutes in, I think). Today, though, right about a half hour after taking the AMI4x, I was pumped and ready for my workout, and really kept up the pace through the whole thing, only slowing down a little during ab ripper. As I said before I went ahead and had two scoops of the AWE60 today, but I'm feeling a little bloaty in the stomach with that much erf. Also I probably didn't wait long enough after the workout before having it, but I'm not feeling sick or anything, so it's all good.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I talked to my pop again today, and though it wasn't a primary topic in our conversation, it does seem like he's coming around to being more understanding about my transition. I think he's been doing a lot of thinking about it, and has, at the very least come to accept that it is happening, fact. Better than that, though, really. I last talked to him right before my first shot, so I guess before that he could be aware of it without necessarily having to REALLY deal with it in his own mind. He had asked what kinds of changes I was seeing and what I was expecting. Told him I'd seen a couple hairs right under my belly button this morning so I was pretty excited about that. Might have weirded him out a bit, but that's okay. We had a good conversation there towards the end about stereotypes and overcoming preconceived notions. It was actually aimed at a broader spectrum, religion in particular. Also he mentioned how the rednecks down in hungry holler will just assume you share their views and start talking about how we shouldn't have no dumbass n-- president.

Anyway, I'd really like to be able to share my transition with him... I feel like it's important to try to see him in person sometime in the next couple months while I'm still in the in-between kinda phase. Mom's coming out here in less than a month, so I'm really looking forward to seeing her, but I might actually have to make the trek back out to kentucky to be able to see all them and be seen. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, it's beautiful out there. I'd love to go out in october or november and take a day or two and go hiking up in the red river gorge during autumn colors, but that might be a little later than I want to aim for in terms of being seen at a midway kind of point. I dunno, though.

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Quick exercise update, while I'm at it. Did the first day of week two today. "Chest and Back" has you go through 12 exercises, mostly varieties of chinups and pullups... then has you go through all twelve again. I didn't save enough energy for the second round and felt a little like I barely made it through the last few. Then I was supposed to do ab ripper, which I started... and couldnt' get more than a couple minutes into. I really felt like the muscles themselves could have kept going, but the energy levels were so tanked I couldn't push through. I decided to hit up GNC for some supplements, which I'd kiiinnnddd of been wanting to do anyway, but at this point I really felt like I needed them. Got "Amplified Muscle Igniter 4x" which is a tablet form supplement, 30-day supply, and "Amplified Wheybolic Extreme 60" which is a protein drink thing, 7 day supply for now, until I figure out what flavor I want to invest in for a larger container. I also went by REI in hopes they'd have some kind of floor padding for my workout space. No luck. I had found some online that are EXACTLY what I need, at a reasonable ~100$ for the 15 squares I need... only the shipping tacks on an extra $40 so I wanted to see if I could find someplace local for them before shelling out that much. =/ I'll start the supplements tomorrow, looking forward to seeing how that effects things.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I thought that deserved its own entry. Lest I ramble on and it gets to the TLDR stage.

On the exercise front, I made it all the way through the first week of P90X. The last couple days (thursday and friday) were hard, I was pretty exhausted and thursday in particular I don't think I'd had enough of the right kinds of food on wednesday so getting up and trying to exercise before breakfast thursday was rough. I wanted really badly to quit halfway through, but I made it all the way through 'Legs and Back', though I did skip Ab Ripper that time. I did it sunday and tuesday, so I guess skipping it thursday this time won't kill me. Yesterday was Kenpo-X, which, as Mel has been telling me repeatedly, was a lot of fun. There were a few moves I had a hard time catching on to, though. Well, that one's repeated every week, even on 'rest' weeks, so I'm sure I'll get it after another try or two.

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Thursday I went back in to the clinic for my second T shot. I got the RN going about nutrition, which Edwin enjoyed a great deal. lol. I had asked if I needed more food to deal with increased energy needs and she was like, "I gotta be honest with you, you're overweight, you don't need more food than you're already eating." Later she kind of retracted the statement like, I didn't mean for that to come out like it did, I mean most americans are overweight and the food industry is trying to kill us. Edwin did back me up and was telling her I've been doing really well with eating healthier the past few weeks but later he had fun saying the RN had said I was fat. (I weighed in at ~169, with stuff in my pockets but no shoes)

I think I'd failed to word the question like I meant it in my head. Because I HAVE cut back pretty hardcore on how much I eat and what I do eat tends to be much much healthier than a month or two ago. For example a month ago I was eating a couple eggs with a bunch of cheese and a bagel slathered in cream cheese and 2-3 travelmugs full of coffee with french vanilla coffeemate every day for breakfast. I switched to a couple eggs with just a little cheese and an english muffin with a little jelly and cut back to 1 mug of coffee (still with coffeemate) a day. Now Most mornings I have oatmeal with about a half tablespoon of butter and seasalt, and often don't finish my mug of coffee, which I'm now making with milk instead of coffeemate. I've also been making a much greater effort to have vegetables, particularly green ones, every day, and preferably a few servings a day. Still want to get better about that because vegetables are awesome. Also planning on cutting red meat back to maybe once a week instead of a few times. Even though that makes me sad because cow is delicious.

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On the physical change front, I expect to start seeing any potential changes from this shot in the next few days, if the first shot was an indication. That doesn't mean I don't have anything to report- I got my first taste of whoaacne yesterday... not so much visible, but I could definitely feel it, especially after biking to work. I sweat way more now than I used to, which is good in a way because sweating is healthy, but it made my face burn for a while when I first got here.

Also my knees look fat. >8[
At first I was like, I don't remember having such fat knees, wth. But I can feel a lot of muscle under there, so I suspect I'm building muscle way faster than I'm losing the fat sitting on top of it which is sadfunny but also makes me happy because I AM building a lot of muscle, I can feel it. I can feel my external obliques under my lovehandles, which is new for me, and makes me hopeful that I'll have nice visible ex-obs once some of the fat is burned off. External obliques are the sexiest muscle, fyi.

I think my lower legs are looking manlier, too. I've always been pretty happy having monster calves, but it feels like the fat is peeling away there a liiitle faster than elsewhere and I'm starting to have pretty defined lower leg muscles. Like my Tibialis Anterior muscles. Whoa, where did they come from? Also the skin itself seems coarser, like it has a slight 'cracked' texture. The pores and hair follicles are more visible, and it's definitely looking like there's multiple hairs growing from most follicles now, even if they're just like transparent baby hairs at this point, and I don't remember there being hair on my knees before. Exciting.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Today I wanted to tell my supervisor I had something I needed to talk to her about, but as soon as I started trying to just tell her there was -something- I totally locked up and my heart kinda started racing. So I didn't say anything. Again.

I've been wanting to do it in person, but I'm starting to think emailing might be a better way to do it, so I can plan out a little better what I want to say. I'm in a comfy spot here, but soon enough it's going to start being obvious something is going on and I don't want it to be a surprise to them. I'd love for it to just be okay, a nonissue, but I just don't know at all how A and S would deal with it.

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Thursday I get my second shot... I'm really looking forward to this weekend and seeing what starts happening this time around. I've thought of a few questions I want to ask while I'm at the clinic, too. Mostly I just want to know what the dosage is going to be and see if I can get on a weekly shot instead of a higher dosage every other week because I think that'd be better for me for keeping stable. Then again this week has been fine, it was the middle of last week that sucked.

-----
Talked to Edwin a bit about the way I've been processing emotions lately. There have been a couple instances where I'll get really annoyed- like it'll flare up and I'll rage for a couple seconds, but then it's done and I'll be like, I'm sorry I said that stuff, I feel better now. Where before I wouldn't be able to identify what I was getting upset about, and while I usually wouldn't get to the point where I'd rage, the unidentified emotion would just build up slowly and I'd end up feeling crappy and lots of little things would build up. Basically I'm feeling way more stable emotionally, which is awesome. If something does get to me I just deal with it and then it's done. Feels so much more natural to me, rather than my emotions being constantly at war with my brain.

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I don't want to curse it, but I started the actual p90x program yesterday. So I did the "Back and Chest" yesterday, followed by "Ab Ripper-X". That was pretty intense. Today was "Plyometrics"... I didnt' think I'd get through the whole thing, I didnt' last time, but this time I did. It was pretty rough, heh. But that made it feel really awesome to actually get through it all. Edwin started plyo with me this morning, but stopped after about 25 minutes. When I got done I got my sweaty face all up in his and he was like "I hate you. *huuuggg*"

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Daily drawing has been... not happening. But I have drawn a couple times in the last week, at least. The one I drew today is very much an illustration... which is pretty cool because I've been mostly doing self-portraity stuff with my own characters and friends' for like the past year so this is a pretty big departure and it feels awesome. I've also been stretching the artistic muscles a tiny bit by doing a couple redlines for various people this past week, something I used to do a lot but got SUUUPER burnt out on. Oh yeah, I like doing that. It allows me to figure out poses I might not normally do, and hopefully help someone else out in the process, too. So, yeah, good stuff.

-----
Also rap. Apparently is where my musical taste is going. Carly got me to listen to some Lady Gaga, which I've been rationing a bit. Also Rachelbun got me listening to Stuntin Like Mufasa which is ridiculous but also awesome. Same with the rest of the album, though I can only get so far before my brain goes okay that's enough disney. =I Speaking of mashups Eira recommended this Sonic the Hedgehog mashup that I thought was really well done. Joeypoey gave me some great recommendations, too, and I'm currently listening to the P.O.S. mix starting with this song.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
This week has been weird. Somehow I wasn't expecting it, but I suppose I should have been. Friday and Saturday last week after my shot on thursday were fairly normal, though if anything I had maybe a little more energy than usual and my mood was plus a point or two.

Sunday was when I noticed most of the (minor) physical changes. I had very little hair on my arms, and I'm pretty sure the density of my arm hair increased by a lot, though it's still pretty invisible except when seen from an angle. I didn't notice increased leg hair at all, instead the pores on my legs are more visible, which in itself makes them look more masculine. Peach fuzz on the face, though again not visible unless seen from the side. Maybe a tiny bit extra at the corners of my mouth. Slight change in body odor. Maybe a tiny bit of extra acne- not specifically on the face, though, there's a couple spots on my left leg, for instance. *shrug*

Monday evening and Tuesday during the day I want to say is when my energy levels peaked. I felt like I was on top of the world. Did a bunch of working out, felt more energized after working out than before. It was amazing.

Tuesday night, though, I crashed pretty hard. I'd gone over to a couple friends' house, and instead of a healthy meal as I'd been eating lately, we ordered pizza. The friends in question, while accepting of my transition, haven't bothered to try changing what name or gender they use to refer to me. I haven't been hanging out with them as much recently, for this and a few other reasons. It didn't bother me at first, but as the night wore on and the pizza effected my mood, I just kind of sank into a quiet state and waited for the game to be over so I could leave. I didn't feel like raging at them about it would help my situation right then, and have since confronted one of them on aim about it. The other... well I need to confront him about it, too, but if I approach it wrong it'd probably do more harm than good. It's complicated. I don't want to compromise my emotional wellbeing for him, though, so I'm probably going to just not hang out as much until the physical changes are more obvious.

Anyway, Tuesday evening was rough for those reasons and the fact that I hadn't gotten a ton of sleep monday night and got up early on tuesday, was up late again tuesday night, and I'm pretty sure the food was a big one. I had some fruit and green beans before bed, though, so that helped a little.

Wednesday and thursday I was still really low energy. Thursday in particular I fought myself most of the day to keep from sinking into just feeling totally depressed. I wrote for a while in my journal, and that helped, but later on I ended up raging at Edwin for being wishy washy about where we should eat. Dumb stuff to have anxiety over, but it was mostly that I could tell he had an opinion about where we should eat, but I couldn't get him to make a decision, and it turned into a negative-feedback loop for me. I felt better after food, even though I paid way too much for way too mediocre sushi. I passed out pretty quick after getting home, I think.

Friday was much better. I had oatmeal for breakfast, and when I realized I'd forgotten to bring the coffee grounds back to my place from his, I prodded him into getting up and walking to Peets with me. On the way there I realized I was okay. Crashing so hard like I did on weds and thurs really messed with me psychologically, and I had been worried I'd be at that kind of low-energy level until my next shot. Friday morning gave me a chance to recenter and realize that yeah, mood swings are going to happen but I can handle it and there's light on the other side. I wish I'd been a little more energetic, or that I'd found better things to do with my time than watch the last 5 episodes of season 6 of House in the evening. Still, though, definitely an improvement.

Today so far I walked maybe a mile and a half round trip to the farmers market under the macarthur freeway at lakeshore, including about 4 flights of stairs up in this little park that's basically nothing but stairs. I went to the top and wrote in my journal for a while before continuing back here. Did the X-stretch video and feel lazy now, but good. I'm thinking I want to try and start the actual 90-day program, if only so I have some structure to what vids I do every day rather than just picking one kind of at random.

I didn't mention anywhere that wednesday I only managed to do the ab-ripper video (15 minutes long) and there were one or two of the exercises I just couldnt' do or only did a few times. Thursday and friday I didn't do any specific exercise which sucks but I'm not sore anymore, either, which is nice. Keep chugging, I guess.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Pardon the expression, but I feel bitchin.

My cat is using me as a saltlick. /aside

--
Today for exercise I started with (p90x still) "core synergistics"... got about 23 minutes in. Could have gone a little longer probably, but I got distracted for long enough I wasn't warm anymore. Ended up being a little better anyway, because I decided to try "cardio-x" instead of continuing with core.

cardio x is a little shorter, 45 minutes instead of an hour or more like the others. They took some of the most cardio bits from yoga, kenpo, core, and plyometrics. It was an INTENSE workout, but I got through the whole damn thing and I feel like a million dollars.

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Also, since I edited that other post instead of posting about it specifically*, I'll also say that last night it got to 11 pm and I still hadn't worked out and really wanted to. I was at work, but at my mom's suggestion I had brought my stretchy band things with me. I did the whole (hour long) "Arm and shoulder" workout and then tried to go to bed. Hahaha yeah sleeping did'nt work out so well but I woke up at 5am energized enough to start the day. Took maybe a 45 minute nap around 1 but aside from that I'm still going.

I've never had this much energy in my life. 0_0

--
*I know posts about exercise aren't exciting unless you're doing it too lol. The "omg I worked out" posts will taper off as it becomes more routine, I'm sure. Right now it's just really exciting to me so bear with me. =3 Ilu guis
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Just want to start keeping better track of what I eat and do physically on a daily basis. I'll keep it behind a cut for those not interested.

Read more... )

I intend to edit this post with anything else relevant today (or maybe for the week?).

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replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Seth

February 2013

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