replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I talked to my pop again today, and though it wasn't a primary topic in our conversation, it does seem like he's coming around to being more understanding about my transition. I think he's been doing a lot of thinking about it, and has, at the very least come to accept that it is happening, fact. Better than that, though, really. I last talked to him right before my first shot, so I guess before that he could be aware of it without necessarily having to REALLY deal with it in his own mind. He had asked what kinds of changes I was seeing and what I was expecting. Told him I'd seen a couple hairs right under my belly button this morning so I was pretty excited about that. Might have weirded him out a bit, but that's okay. We had a good conversation there towards the end about stereotypes and overcoming preconceived notions. It was actually aimed at a broader spectrum, religion in particular. Also he mentioned how the rednecks down in hungry holler will just assume you share their views and start talking about how we shouldn't have no dumbass n-- president.

Anyway, I'd really like to be able to share my transition with him... I feel like it's important to try to see him in person sometime in the next couple months while I'm still in the in-between kinda phase. Mom's coming out here in less than a month, so I'm really looking forward to seeing her, but I might actually have to make the trek back out to kentucky to be able to see all them and be seen. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, it's beautiful out there. I'd love to go out in october or november and take a day or two and go hiking up in the red river gorge during autumn colors, but that might be a little later than I want to aim for in terms of being seen at a midway kind of point. I dunno, though.

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Quick exercise update, while I'm at it. Did the first day of week two today. "Chest and Back" has you go through 12 exercises, mostly varieties of chinups and pullups... then has you go through all twelve again. I didn't save enough energy for the second round and felt a little like I barely made it through the last few. Then I was supposed to do ab ripper, which I started... and couldnt' get more than a couple minutes into. I really felt like the muscles themselves could have kept going, but the energy levels were so tanked I couldn't push through. I decided to hit up GNC for some supplements, which I'd kiiinnnddd of been wanting to do anyway, but at this point I really felt like I needed them. Got "Amplified Muscle Igniter 4x" which is a tablet form supplement, 30-day supply, and "Amplified Wheybolic Extreme 60" which is a protein drink thing, 7 day supply for now, until I figure out what flavor I want to invest in for a larger container. I also went by REI in hopes they'd have some kind of floor padding for my workout space. No luck. I had found some online that are EXACTLY what I need, at a reasonable ~100$ for the 15 squares I need... only the shipping tacks on an extra $40 so I wanted to see if I could find someplace local for them before shelling out that much. =/ I'll start the supplements tomorrow, looking forward to seeing how that effects things.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Talked to pop today. Its hard because he doesn't really understand. He's having a hard time understanding that gender is different from sexuality. I told him I start t tomorrow. He didn't approve but wanted to support whatever would make me happy. He said he's okay with calling me taylor... which is my middle name by birth. [The name I'm changing to is Taylor Seth Watkins, going by Seth] And tangented off into stories about his best friend David Taylor who I was named after and about my brother Chase who is graduating this friday because David died in a car accident the morning of their high school graduation. It's hard to talk about this stuff with him because it makes him uncomfortable so his defense mechanisms kick in and he changes the subject. I don't think its a conscious thing but it's hard to work through. And I mean he's got stuff going on in his life right now he needs to talk about too- and generally I genuinely enjoy the stuff he rambles about. I guess I haven't made that much of an effort to educate him, though, and his internet access is basically zilch (though apparently one of his friends is hooking him up soon). Maybe if I tried a little harder to help him understand.

It's just got me in this zoney place in my mind and Edwin keeps asking me if I'm okay. Just very off in my head. But writing this should help get it off my mind. And anxieties about my tday tomorrow... it's like it won't really be real until then. The other night I dreamed there was an episode of house where it turned out that house had been trans. I woke up and was a little disappointed it wasn't a real episode heh. I dream house fanfic. Lol.

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replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Seth

February 2013

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