haunted

[replacementparts]

I feel haunted. Yesterday was a bad day and unless I can figure out something absolutely spectacular to snap myself out of the mental funk, today isn't really looking better. I would like to be put in a coma for three days, please. Because things that I used to be able to deal with, I suddenly can't, and I hate it. I hate how crappy I feel physically, how much it drains my energy, all of it, and the mental pathways its leading me down. A crushing blow. I described it to edwin last night, Like the building collapsed around me and there's this person somewhere in the rubble that I know is the most important person in the world but I don't even know what their voice sounds like to listen for him calling out. It is absolutely terrifying. I don't mind losing myself, normally, you know? Its just the return to specific thought patterns I know to be caused by female hormones is very jarring and painful as I'm just starting to discover myself with the male hormones. The dissonance is intensified, and the feeling that I'm losing the part of myself that I was just barely getting to know and like... it's really hard.