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it's like being a teenager again
Oct. 10th, 2010 11:28 pmSometimes it's like watching myself from outside myself. I'm annoyed by how inwardly-directed I am. It feels very self-centered. Much more than my inner compass for how I should be. I often feel like my brain is veering wildly out of control. I remember feeling similarly in high school and console myself knowing it will settle out sooner or later.
Until then, I try to be productive, and keep myself busy or entertained when I can't manage that. Always passing time. I remind myself that time is my friend and that I don't have to sprint because it's the marathon that counts.
I sleep a lot. I dream a lot, too, and the style of the dreams has changed. They feel more visually oriented, with much more awareness of the shape of the space around me and details about textures and objects. There is a greater tendency toward slightly disturbing imagery, too.
And I feel like more of an active participant in them. I am a presence, interacting with the dream, rather than a mere observer or passive participant. It speaks volumes to me of being more comfortable with myself.
Until then, I try to be productive, and keep myself busy or entertained when I can't manage that. Always passing time. I remind myself that time is my friend and that I don't have to sprint because it's the marathon that counts.
I sleep a lot. I dream a lot, too, and the style of the dreams has changed. They feel more visually oriented, with much more awareness of the shape of the space around me and details about textures and objects. There is a greater tendency toward slightly disturbing imagery, too.
And I feel like more of an active participant in them. I am a presence, interacting with the dream, rather than a mere observer or passive participant. It speaks volumes to me of being more comfortable with myself.
