replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I've been withdrawing from the internet lately. I still skim lj and fb but I think I'm more likely to miss things. It feels good, like I have better things to do with myself.

One of my brothers is in California from ky, so I got to see him a couple times this week. Our pop and his mom were both contacting me this morning to make sure he's okay. I told him he needs to call his parents. He's loving cali, though, and I'm really glad he's here.

I've been drawing more lately. Like, a lot. I call them doodles because I'm working on just putting lines down and being okay with what comes out, rather than nitpicking and erasing/redrawing the life out of everything.

Somewhere in art school, or maybe all through art school, and at yerf! before that, I got the idea drilled in that art wasn't good unless it was -perfect- and redrawn to fix anatomy, composition, perspective. Somewhere in there it stops being fun and starts being work.

So I'm trying now to be more honest right there on the paper. Whatever comes out there isn't wrong, it's from me. I can own it, mistakes and all, and learn from each drawing. I've gotten to where I'm pretty happy with what's coming out, though I still want to diversify more. That'll come with time, and training myself to fill all the spaces in between other activities with just a little time in a sketchbook.

I'm actually pretty happy to report that after the first day and a half of pokemon white, I haven't played for more than an hour or two each day. I'm okay with taking it slow. I did sneak in a pokerus with my suicune and celebi, so if anyone wants me to infect them I can be helpful (I like being helpful!). I don't really have anything else cool to offer to trade, as I'm only around my fourth badge. >_<

2279 5944 2164 Seth pokemon white!
Current team-
Myopia/Drilbur lv18, Toffee/Lillipup lv25, BQ/Pignite lv23, Boomi/Cronkeldurr lv30, Iggy/Blitzle lv24, MILEYCYRUS/Lilligant lv19 (that is Edwin's pokemon- he named it and got much joy from making it Teeter Dance)

I'm moving to Sacramento at the end of the month, but will still be in the bay pretty regularly to chill with my peeps. I've been basically living there increasingly over the past couple months, so this'll just save on the rent between us. And gives Eira's friend a place to live out here so he can escape Georgia.

Finally got my IHSS paychecks. *fireworks* But it's basically spent already- a chunk to bills, some debts I've put off, as much as I can to credit card debt. Angsting over whether I should use the money for a name change or put that off and be closer to having the credit card paid off. I know what I -should- do, and I know what I really -want- to do. Darnit.

Tell me something awesome that's happened to you recently!


Nov. 18th, 2010 08:43 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Today is shot day. The couple times I did my shot at the clinic, with Daphne, it didn't hurt at all. The two times I've done it at home, by myself, it has hurt like a mofo. I wonder if it has to do with the needle guage? These are 22g, maybe the ones there were 23 or 24g? Either way, I want to wait until Eira is at least awake before doing it. Last time I had Edwin here while I did it, but the time before that I was alone and after I did it I got all light headed and my ears were ringing and I started being paranoid and woke Eira up and was asking her if I was going to die. In retrospect it was just a low blood sugar+adrenaline thing. A few M&Ms right after my shot last time kept the same from happening again. (Same trick worked with my tat work, too!) I have a twix bar for today's shot.


On one hand, it is amazing and awesome that my unemployment checks will cover monthly bills (Aside from student loans which are deferred again). On the other hand, it would be great if any of the people that asked for commissions would pay me for them so I'd have something to do.

Motivation has been a struggle the past week and Paid work would actually be good for me right now. I'm nudging at my backlog, but the few pieces left on there are mostly more complicated things which is probably why they're still in the backlog. They're gonna require some serious concentrated effort, that I just don't know if I'm capable of right now. I feel like I'm working up to it.

Oh right, motivation. Pop said it well when I talked to him yesterday. It's easier to keep up the momentum and get things done when you're already working on something else. Well, I'm trying to get myself moving a little bit. Started laundry and took out the trash this morning already, that's a start, right?
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Oookay, that's totally enough pokemon for like, the rest of the week. >_<

Beat the Elite four and Lance first try. I brought Ho-oh, but didn't use him at all. The team I used-
Umbreon, Gengar, Feraligatr, Dragonair, and Machamp. 2Pi, my Umbreon, took care of most of the heavy lifting. Now I really want to go to Kanto but it's after 1 am and wow where did the time go?

It's good, though. My shoulder needed me to take a day mostly off. It's doing a LOT better than yesterday... only sore now when I turn my head far to the side or lean it back. Yesterday it was hurting if I moved my right arm or head much at all. Ugh.

Tomorrow I'm actually going to be a productive member of society. Applying for jobs and that kind of fun stuff, right. Oh, I might scan some sketches and stuff for you guys to look at, would you like that? =]

Go to bed, Seth.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
This morning I feel like the fog over my head for the past month or so is finally starting to lift a little. Thursday when I went in for my shot Daphne saw my eyes and how red and awful the skin around them looked and insisted on having me see the doctor that day. He said it was classic eczema and gave me some hydrocortisone 1% and told me I better not get it in my eyes because it'll give me pinkeye.

It's only now that it's slowly starting to clear up that I'm starting to see exactly how much of a brain funk I've been in. Amazing what a slightly compromised immune system will do.

I've been drawing more. Not every single day, but sometimes multiple times a day. Dark grey paper feels really good right now, I like the low contrast. It's giving me some dark imagery, but I'm okay with that. Come to think of it, a lot of my drawings are on color-coordinated paper lately. Cream cardstock for furry commissions, purple cardstock for cute girls, index cards for carrying in my pocket and collecting whatever images fly by while on transit. Makes me wish I took transit more often, almost.

Past two days I've been working out despite feeling sick and miserable. Pretty sure part of why my shoulder/neck has been hurting so much this week is my inconsistent workout patterns lately. Weighed in at 156.3 lb and 25.5% body fat this week... which is /technically/ an improvement on both ends. A month ago it was 163.5 and 27%, which makes it look like I lost a lot, right? Except that FOUR POUNDS of that is lost muscle. I'm pretty sure that most of the loss is because I stopped taking Aftershock on a daily basis, which has Creatine in it. Apparently if you stop taking creatine you loose a chunk of the mass you gain with it.

Actually seeing Edwin a lot lately. Most of the time is spent with him unconscious on my bed because he's working all but 9-5 weekdays. No, seriously. He gets off work at 9am, which is usually more like 10am, and has to be back by 5pm. Except weekends. He works 24/7 weekends. And I live a 20-minute commute away, rather than an hour-and-a-half commute away. I don't begrudge him crashing at my place. Hopefully soon they'll find someone to replace his former coworker, and he'll be back to a more sane schedule.

Work is fun. Not sure how much longer I'll be employed there, as they're looking for a live-in for S, which will basically mean my job will be canned, and it feels like my supervisor has been ignoring me. She used to be great about communicating about everything and now it's like she's not the same person. I think she got really busy all of a sudden, but it's still really strange. Been gearing myself up for the job hunt. Should have been working on that in earnest already, but I've been sickish and I'm really not looking forward to going through the job application/hiring process with my old name on documents and job history.

I'm supposed to do an hours-long training thing on my off hours at work. But I'm about to lose the job afaik. I would like to be able to get good references from them, but it is really hard to want to do extra stuff for these people.

Tonight I need to catch a decent Ghastly. Ideally an adamant one.

Is it just me or is google mail not working for anyone else?
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
This weekend I...

Drew stuff! I did that kirin girl you saw yesterday, and sketches for a couple of my age-old art-oweds.

Found my list of commissions/trades owed. I'm not _quite_ as irresponsible as I'd thought. (Please do continue to respond to that other post, though, I'm likely to do those first... though there aren't quite as many things on my art owed list as I'd feared!)

Did not work out. ;__; It is HARD to divide my attention between getting art done and working out. An ongoing battle I MUST win.

Learned how to EV train pokemon. Oh god what have I gotten myself into? (Anyone wanna help me get a pokerus? Or magical EV-forgetting berries?). I fought a billion goldeens yesterday with my Machop/Machoke but then I was finally able to beat those kimonogirls.

Wrote checks for bills. Failed to put them in the mail. L__L

Did not eat as well as I should, which probably goes hand in hand with not working out. I WILL work out today.

Did not message Edwin at 9am about how much I miss him coming over when he gets off work monday mornings. I'll get to see or talk to him soon enough.

OH! and Thursday I did my own shot finally. Yeah! It was cool. I was all nervous about it but she walked me through every step, and as soon as the needle actually went in and I could prove to my nerves that THIS DOESN'T HURT, I was totally fine and she said she was impressed with how well I did. I can't believe I only get to go in three more times before I age out and can't go to dimensions anymore. At least by then I'll be able to do my own shots.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Well today's been pretty ... it's been a day.

The most eventful thing was being assaulted by one of the ladies I work with. That sucked. She's not here tonight, which is good because I wouldn't be able to sleep if she was.

Earlier pop called me to tell me he'd called his brother to talk to him about me and see if it was okay for me to come to Tembre's wedding next month. Apparently wade brought in pop's divorce to push pop's buttons, and was blaming my mom and all sorts of ridiculous nonsense for me being trans. He claimed he'd pass my number on to Tembre, but wouldn't give pop her contact info and I doubt I'd hear from her if it was up to him. So now I'm trying to contact her or one of her sisters, and pop thinks his sister might have her contact info, too.

I'm really hoping my hand isn't too messed up to be able to do crossfit again tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, I went to my first crossfit class yesterday and it kicked my butt, but it was awesome.

I don't even remember my hand getting hit. I do remember my head getting hit. There's sore bumps but nothing too bad. My cheek's a little bruised. My hand is what I'm worried about. Not broken, just a little swollen and sore.

I want to go home and see my family. Why is my uncle a dirtbag?
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
So, there's life, and there's more life. I've been keeping myself pretty busy so I'm not sure what this update is actually going to be about. I'll try starting with a quick recap.

Tuesday I went and checked out my new gym, vry excite. Went home, worked out, cleaned some and prepared for DESCENT night. Descent didn't start until 9pm, started with four heroes (I was the Dark Overlord/DM). Eira's mom took off around 2am, and Eira was running both characters, but the extra character ended up being the heroes' downfall since it was left next to all my monsters while in a very weakened state when they didn't have enough conquest points for that character to die. Game ended around 6am, passed out around 7 after unwinding with Eira a bit.

Wednesday I got up around 1230pm. Was lazy and skipped my workout, but did go to my ftm group meeting. Got home, went to walgreens for milk, showered, and basically passed out for the rest of the night.

Thursday I got up at 8, got my workout done early, showered, and Edwin came over. We spent some time discussing what was going on with us/our relationship. Went to GWPC (gym) and took the belaying class so we could toprope climb. I mostly just wanted to go up and didn't worry about the specific courses, so I got to the top a few times. He was more focused on getting up with the actual courses that were set, and didn't get as far. The one time I focused specifically on the course and not using holds that weren't part of the course, I wore out quicker and only got about halfway up. If I'd thought about it I would have just leaned back in the harness and rested and kept going, but I came down instead. Hands were pretty sore when we left- I need to develop some callouses. We had Ethiopian for dinner, and that was the first time I've been to that restaurant where I didn't come home with a ton of leftovers. There was some leftover sides and bread but no meat so we didn't bother taking it.

Friday I had to get up early to go down to the clinic and get some blood drawn. Edwin took the bart down with me and we parted ways at Embarcadero. It's rough knowing I won't see him again for two weeks. Hopefully will be able to hang in there alright. Got to the clinic, fell asleep in the waiting room, and then couldn't stay awake on the way home, either. Passed out for two and a half hours when I got home and could have easily stayed asleep for three or four more but had to get ready for work. Barely managed to stay completely conscious while preparing dinner, and ended up basically going to bed at 8pm, though I had to get up for about 20 minutes at 930 to get A her meds, and again at about 11 to help S get ready for bed.

Dreamed that I was going to my cousin's wedding (she was marrying one of my friends from HS, in the dream), and that Suzanne, my pop's to-be-ex-wife was giving me flac about what I was wearing and trying to get me to wear female clothes. In the dream I kept going around in circles trying to explain my gender identity and stuff but she wouldn't have it. Anyway I ended up wearing a suit to the wedding but then getting insulted that I didn't get to be one of the groomsmen, because in my dream it was apparently really important that I get to be one of the groomsmen. It was all centered on getting to wear one of the boutonniere flower things, which seems really odd to my waking mind.

This morning I got up at 8 and called Pop to see if he'd discussed with his brother at all the possibility of me coming to my cousin's wedding. He hadn't, but he had talked to one of his sisters, and she seemed to think it wouldn't be too much of an issue with most of the family, though if it was an issue with anyone, it would be Wade. Personally I think it should be Tembre's decision, since it's her wedding, but Wade has a way of making everything his business. So I dunno.

Now that I've gone through all that I know what I want to write a real post about so I'll do that next. XD
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I can feel my voice in the upper part of my chest.

I'm hosting nerd games at my house tuesday (DESCENT) if anyone remotely local wants to come.

Today I want to
work out
time on shamans picture (finish it?)

plan for rest of week
M- Work out, join gym, call around for a place to get blood drawn
T- Work out, prepare and host nerd game
W- Work out, clean up house, group meeting
T- Work out, rock climbing w/ edwin
F- Work out, go to work
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Eira, once again, your timing is amazing. Unbelievable. XD
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I'd love to start being productive again. That will involve to-do lists, keeping my room clean so I can think, and not doing -nothing- at work on saturdays.

I didn't sleep well at all last night. In fact, I haven't been sleeping all that well lately in general. Part of this is tension from work-disclosure-anxiety, I'm sure. Also part is... well... I'm pretty sure my muscles are growing too fast. Specifically in my back. They are trying to move my shoulder blades out of the way and my shoulder blades aren't happy with the situation.

Sleeping on my back with a folded up t-shirt under the center of my upper back seems to help a lot. Is, in fact, the only way I can sleep sometimes. Which is annoying because I like to sleep on my side.

I haven't had any caffeine today and my head hurts and I need to go to bed but I don't want to lie there not-sleeping for hours like last night.

Maybe I have some benadryl in my backpack.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Today I wanted to tell my supervisor I had something I needed to talk to her about, but as soon as I started trying to just tell her there was -something- I totally locked up and my heart kinda started racing. So I didn't say anything. Again.

I've been wanting to do it in person, but I'm starting to think emailing might be a better way to do it, so I can plan out a little better what I want to say. I'm in a comfy spot here, but soon enough it's going to start being obvious something is going on and I don't want it to be a surprise to them. I'd love for it to just be okay, a nonissue, but I just don't know at all how A and S would deal with it.

Thursday I get my second shot... I'm really looking forward to this weekend and seeing what starts happening this time around. I've thought of a few questions I want to ask while I'm at the clinic, too. Mostly I just want to know what the dosage is going to be and see if I can get on a weekly shot instead of a higher dosage every other week because I think that'd be better for me for keeping stable. Then again this week has been fine, it was the middle of last week that sucked.

Talked to Edwin a bit about the way I've been processing emotions lately. There have been a couple instances where I'll get really annoyed- like it'll flare up and I'll rage for a couple seconds, but then it's done and I'll be like, I'm sorry I said that stuff, I feel better now. Where before I wouldn't be able to identify what I was getting upset about, and while I usually wouldn't get to the point where I'd rage, the unidentified emotion would just build up slowly and I'd end up feeling crappy and lots of little things would build up. Basically I'm feeling way more stable emotionally, which is awesome. If something does get to me I just deal with it and then it's done. Feels so much more natural to me, rather than my emotions being constantly at war with my brain.

I don't want to curse it, but I started the actual p90x program yesterday. So I did the "Back and Chest" yesterday, followed by "Ab Ripper-X". That was pretty intense. Today was "Plyometrics"... I didnt' think I'd get through the whole thing, I didnt' last time, but this time I did. It was pretty rough, heh. But that made it feel really awesome to actually get through it all. Edwin started plyo with me this morning, but stopped after about 25 minutes. When I got done I got my sweaty face all up in his and he was like "I hate you. *huuuggg*"

Daily drawing has been... not happening. But I have drawn a couple times in the last week, at least. The one I drew today is very much an illustration... which is pretty cool because I've been mostly doing self-portraity stuff with my own characters and friends' for like the past year so this is a pretty big departure and it feels awesome. I've also been stretching the artistic muscles a tiny bit by doing a couple redlines for various people this past week, something I used to do a lot but got SUUUPER burnt out on. Oh yeah, I like doing that. It allows me to figure out poses I might not normally do, and hopefully help someone else out in the process, too. So, yeah, good stuff.

Also rap. Apparently is where my musical taste is going. Carly got me to listen to some Lady Gaga, which I've been rationing a bit. Also Rachelbun got me listening to Stuntin Like Mufasa which is ridiculous but also awesome. Same with the rest of the album, though I can only get so far before my brain goes okay that's enough disney. =I Speaking of mashups Eira recommended this Sonic the Hedgehog mashup that I thought was really well done. Joeypoey gave me some great recommendations, too, and I'm currently listening to the P.O.S. mix starting with this song.


Jun. 6th, 2010 07:56 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I smell different. Unfamiliar. That was quick.


I just closed my thumb in a door while smelling my armpit.

Go me.


replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)

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