replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been posting much. I've had a lovely christmas day and a productive few days surrounding it, but to be perfectly honest I'm in a pretty rough spot financially. Last month my unemployment benefits got cut off unexpectedly. I still have a tiny bit of hope that they'll get turned back on, but it seems like it's becoming less and less likely.

I'm getting over my fear of commissions- I think something in my head had been a huge block to getting them done in any kind of consistent manner, but I guess some of the things I've had to learn to keep up with my graphic design schoolwork have really just made me go, 'okay, commissions are FUN, not painful, duh' lol

So with that said, if anyone has any interest in getting art from me- either illustration or design, I would love to work for you.

I don't have a system in place for accepting new commissions. I'm not exactly expecting to be gangrushed on them, so taking care of new commissions on an individual basis should work.

Once school starts back up I'm going to be in the career services dept a couple times a week until I have a job, but EDD kind of screwed me with the timing- yanking the carpet out from under me without warning and right before the holidays. -__-

this week

Sep. 9th, 2010 09:32 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
My week's been more than a bit of a bummer in general. Tuesday I spent three hours at the workman's comp clinic for NOTHING because apparently they hadn't received the necessary paperwork to see me, and didn't bother to check to make sure they had it until I'd been sitting there for two and a half hours and they were going to close in 20 minutes. Great, thanks. Way to further demoralize a person who was assaulted at work the day before.

So I made the mistake of going to wal mart while feeling crappy about my situation. I went for a yoga mat, having learned a valuable lesson earlier that day about taking yoga classes with public use mats. I came out with a yoga mat, a DS lite, and Pokemon Heart Gold. Ugh WHY.

Yesterday I had to go BACK to the clinic for another three hours, but this time at least they saw me. Took a bunch of x rays of my hand and skull. I'm fine, I knew I was, but I still have to go BACK in on tuesday, waste MORE of my time.

I had spent so much time over the weekend agonizing over whether I'd have to miss Cross Fit or my FTM group yesterday evening, since they're both at the same time. I didn't end up going to either because by the time I got home after dealing with all that stupid clinic crap I just had zero energy or motivation left to do anything but sit at home and eat cereal.

And play retarded pokemon. Dammit.

This morning, though, I heard back from Tembre, and she said she'd love it if I could make it to the wedding. It looks like flights out there are about 300 right now, and I think pop said he could split that with me. So I guess that's a tiny ray of light on an otherwise really crappy week.

Also, shot today. I'm doing it myself for the first time. A little nervous but after dealing with everything this week it should be cake.

And yoga at noon. With my own, not-disgusting mat, this time.
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
Gosh, this is discouraging. -__-
(Skyler was applying for a job and got a gender no-match letter, which so far has prevented him from getting rehired by a company he worked for previously under his old name. Apparently one has to have had Gender Reassignment Surgery in order to change your social security gender marker.)

more info-

I really want to get my state ID and stuff changed over as soon as possible, but I worry that will make it difficult for me to get other jobs in the future. Here's hoping I actually do have some job security here.

Also, sometimes my job is very demoralizing. I should not have agreed to cover an extra shift, PARTICULARLY the one right between my other shifts. I haven't been home since friday, and because my supervisor forgot to make sure we had community activity money before going out of town for the weekend, we couldn't even break the monotony by going to see a movie or something. Sure, there may have been plenty of free activities available, but it is almost impossible to get A to go out and do ANYTHING and if it doesn't involve spending money, quite frankly, she ain't interested. And of course since she was bored all weekend despite my efforts, she was in a bad mood and in return ended up taking it out on S and myself. Me more than S, because she was smart enough to retreat into her room, whereas I didn't have that option.

I get to go home tomorrow at 9, but I have to be back here at 4pm for another shift. Tuesday morning can't come soon enough. -__-

A told me I was pretty while I was making dinner. She does that, periodically, and I always just grit my teeth and say thank you. This time she went on to tell me that she was picturing me in a dress and stockings and high heels. And telling me how I should get a pedicure or a manicure and get fake nails on. I know she doesn't know yet, I know it's a mistake of ignorance and not malice, I know she was even trying to be complimentary, but it still feels pretty awful, and makes me worry that even when she does know, she won't be accepting, at all.

Sorry for the emo, guys. I wish I was going to be sleeping in my own bed, tonight.


Jun. 22nd, 2010 10:03 am
replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)
I feel haunted. Yesterday was a bad day and unless I can figure out something absolutely spectacular to snap myself out of the mental funk, today isn't really looking better. I would like to be put in a coma for three days, please. Because things that I used to be able to deal with, I suddenly can't, and I hate it. I hate how crappy I feel physically, how much it drains my energy, all of it, and the mental pathways its leading me down. A crushing blow. I described it to edwin last night, Like the building collapsed around me and there's this person somewhere in the rubble that I know is the most important person in the world but I don't even know what their voice sounds like to listen for him calling out. It is absolutely terrifying. I don't mind losing myself, normally, you know? Its just the return to specific thought patterns I know to be caused by female hormones is very jarring and painful as I'm just starting to discover myself with the male hormones. The dissonance is intensified, and the feeling that I'm losing the part of myself that I was just barely getting to know and like... it's really hard.


replacementparts: Smiling dragon, optimism, bright (Default)

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