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on the way there
Jun. 12th, 2010 03:21 pmThis week has been weird. Somehow I wasn't expecting it, but I suppose I should have been. Friday and Saturday last week after my shot on thursday were fairly normal, though if anything I had maybe a little more energy than usual and my mood was plus a point or two.
Sunday was when I noticed most of the (minor) physical changes. I had very little hair on my arms, and I'm pretty sure the density of my arm hair increased by a lot, though it's still pretty invisible except when seen from an angle. I didn't notice increased leg hair at all, instead the pores on my legs are more visible, which in itself makes them look more masculine. Peach fuzz on the face, though again not visible unless seen from the side. Maybe a tiny bit extra at the corners of my mouth. Slight change in body odor. Maybe a tiny bit of extra acne- not specifically on the face, though, there's a couple spots on my left leg, for instance. *shrug*
Monday evening and Tuesday during the day I want to say is when my energy levels peaked. I felt like I was on top of the world. Did a bunch of working out, felt more energized after working out than before. It was amazing.
Tuesday night, though, I crashed pretty hard. I'd gone over to a couple friends' house, and instead of a healthy meal as I'd been eating lately, we ordered pizza. The friends in question, while accepting of my transition, haven't bothered to try changing what name or gender they use to refer to me. I haven't been hanging out with them as much recently, for this and a few other reasons. It didn't bother me at first, but as the night wore on and the pizza effected my mood, I just kind of sank into a quiet state and waited for the game to be over so I could leave. I didn't feel like raging at them about it would help my situation right then, and have since confronted one of them on aim about it. The other... well I need to confront him about it, too, but if I approach it wrong it'd probably do more harm than good. It's complicated. I don't want to compromise my emotional wellbeing for him, though, so I'm probably going to just not hang out as much until the physical changes are more obvious.
Anyway, Tuesday evening was rough for those reasons and the fact that I hadn't gotten a ton of sleep monday night and got up early on tuesday, was up late again tuesday night, and I'm pretty sure the food was a big one. I had some fruit and green beans before bed, though, so that helped a little.
Wednesday and thursday I was still really low energy. Thursday in particular I fought myself most of the day to keep from sinking into just feeling totally depressed. I wrote for a while in my journal, and that helped, but later on I ended up raging at Edwin for being wishy washy about where we should eat. Dumb stuff to have anxiety over, but it was mostly that I could tell he had an opinion about where we should eat, but I couldn't get him to make a decision, and it turned into a negative-feedback loop for me. I felt better after food, even though I paid way too much for way too mediocre sushi. I passed out pretty quick after getting home, I think.
Friday was much better. I had oatmeal for breakfast, and when I realized I'd forgotten to bring the coffee grounds back to my place from his, I prodded him into getting up and walking to Peets with me. On the way there I realized I was okay. Crashing so hard like I did on weds and thurs really messed with me psychologically, and I had been worried I'd be at that kind of low-energy level until my next shot. Friday morning gave me a chance to recenter and realize that yeah, mood swings are going to happen but I can handle it and there's light on the other side. I wish I'd been a little more energetic, or that I'd found better things to do with my time than watch the last 5 episodes of season 6 of House in the evening. Still, though, definitely an improvement.
Today so far I walked maybe a mile and a half round trip to the farmers market under the macarthur freeway at lakeshore, including about 4 flights of stairs up in this little park that's basically nothing but stairs. I went to the top and wrote in my journal for a while before continuing back here. Did the X-stretch video and feel lazy now, but good. I'm thinking I want to try and start the actual 90-day program, if only so I have some structure to what vids I do every day rather than just picking one kind of at random.
I didn't mention anywhere that wednesday I only managed to do the ab-ripper video (15 minutes long) and there were one or two of the exercises I just couldnt' do or only did a few times. Thursday and friday I didn't do any specific exercise which sucks but I'm not sore anymore, either, which is nice. Keep chugging, I guess.
Sunday was when I noticed most of the (minor) physical changes. I had very little hair on my arms, and I'm pretty sure the density of my arm hair increased by a lot, though it's still pretty invisible except when seen from an angle. I didn't notice increased leg hair at all, instead the pores on my legs are more visible, which in itself makes them look more masculine. Peach fuzz on the face, though again not visible unless seen from the side. Maybe a tiny bit extra at the corners of my mouth. Slight change in body odor. Maybe a tiny bit of extra acne- not specifically on the face, though, there's a couple spots on my left leg, for instance. *shrug*
Monday evening and Tuesday during the day I want to say is when my energy levels peaked. I felt like I was on top of the world. Did a bunch of working out, felt more energized after working out than before. It was amazing.
Tuesday night, though, I crashed pretty hard. I'd gone over to a couple friends' house, and instead of a healthy meal as I'd been eating lately, we ordered pizza. The friends in question, while accepting of my transition, haven't bothered to try changing what name or gender they use to refer to me. I haven't been hanging out with them as much recently, for this and a few other reasons. It didn't bother me at first, but as the night wore on and the pizza effected my mood, I just kind of sank into a quiet state and waited for the game to be over so I could leave. I didn't feel like raging at them about it would help my situation right then, and have since confronted one of them on aim about it. The other... well I need to confront him about it, too, but if I approach it wrong it'd probably do more harm than good. It's complicated. I don't want to compromise my emotional wellbeing for him, though, so I'm probably going to just not hang out as much until the physical changes are more obvious.
Anyway, Tuesday evening was rough for those reasons and the fact that I hadn't gotten a ton of sleep monday night and got up early on tuesday, was up late again tuesday night, and I'm pretty sure the food was a big one. I had some fruit and green beans before bed, though, so that helped a little.
Wednesday and thursday I was still really low energy. Thursday in particular I fought myself most of the day to keep from sinking into just feeling totally depressed. I wrote for a while in my journal, and that helped, but later on I ended up raging at Edwin for being wishy washy about where we should eat. Dumb stuff to have anxiety over, but it was mostly that I could tell he had an opinion about where we should eat, but I couldn't get him to make a decision, and it turned into a negative-feedback loop for me. I felt better after food, even though I paid way too much for way too mediocre sushi. I passed out pretty quick after getting home, I think.
Friday was much better. I had oatmeal for breakfast, and when I realized I'd forgotten to bring the coffee grounds back to my place from his, I prodded him into getting up and walking to Peets with me. On the way there I realized I was okay. Crashing so hard like I did on weds and thurs really messed with me psychologically, and I had been worried I'd be at that kind of low-energy level until my next shot. Friday morning gave me a chance to recenter and realize that yeah, mood swings are going to happen but I can handle it and there's light on the other side. I wish I'd been a little more energetic, or that I'd found better things to do with my time than watch the last 5 episodes of season 6 of House in the evening. Still, though, definitely an improvement.
Today so far I walked maybe a mile and a half round trip to the farmers market under the macarthur freeway at lakeshore, including about 4 flights of stairs up in this little park that's basically nothing but stairs. I went to the top and wrote in my journal for a while before continuing back here. Did the X-stretch video and feel lazy now, but good. I'm thinking I want to try and start the actual 90-day program, if only so I have some structure to what vids I do every day rather than just picking one kind of at random.
I didn't mention anywhere that wednesday I only managed to do the ab-ripper video (15 minutes long) and there were one or two of the exercises I just couldnt' do or only did a few times. Thursday and friday I didn't do any specific exercise which sucks but I'm not sore anymore, either, which is nice. Keep chugging, I guess.
